How To Tell Your Children About Divorce

The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide has been running a series of Weekly Divorce Tips. This week’s tip offers some simple advice for a complex problem- How to tell your children that you are getting divorced.

Telling your children about divorce is challenging, but essential. According to Gary Neuman, a psychotherapist and divorce expert who appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show a few weeks ago, “the way children are told about their family breaking up is a seminal moment that no child forgets.”So, how do your tell your children about divorce without scaring them for life? Gary Neuman recommends you do it by following these basic rules:

•“Both parents should be present to tell the children together - with the main message being, you, the children, are still our priority.
•It should not take more than 45 seconds.
•Practice what you’re going to say, before blurting out things that can hurt forever.
•Never disparage the other parent, because it makes your child feel guilty about loving them.”

I offer a few more thoughts:

  • Your children are not divorcing your spouse, only you are. If your spouse is bad, imperfect, or completely flawed, let the children discover that themselves. You do not have to flag your spouse’s faults for them.
  • Do not make the children choose sides. To the contrary, children should be encouraged to have a relationship with both parents.
  • Tell the children, particularly if they are young and may not understand, that nothing they did caused the divorce.
  • Re-assure them that both parents love them.

Do you have any tips?  Please share your thoughts and comments.

34 Responses

  1. Thank you Daniel! Helene
  2. Thanks for your insights on this difficult topic. You are correct in your sensitivity toward telling kids about divorce. My own experience more than a decade ago led to my writing a new guidebook for parents on how to create a storybook with family photos and history as a successful way to have this tough conversation. It's called How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children -- With Love! Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals from around the U.S. are attesting to the value of the fill-in-the-blanks, age-appropriate templates. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well. I sincerely hope divorcing couples will stop, talk and create a plan before having that crucial "divorce" talk with their children and pray, for the sake of their kids, that they will decide to move ahead in creating a child-centered divorce. Free articles, a free newsletter and more information can be found at www.childcentereddivorce.com. Best wishes, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com
  3. Telling children about a pending divorce, preferably together, is perhaps the first step in the important task your child desperately needs: for you to form a cooperative co-parenting relationship with your now ex-spouse despite your own pain. I work for a small family charity whose aim is to help parents and professionals better meet the true needs of children when families are in crisis. The charity has created a free and interactive website that helps parents reduce conflict and focus on their children. Many parents have reported back that focusing on their children's needs was also the best path to their own healing. Please feel free to visit www.UpTpParents.org. All of the resources on the site are free and there are no commercial links.
  4. Sounds like great cause. Daniel Clement
  5. <strong>What Not To Do During the Divorce: Rudy Giuliani, a Case Study</strong> In an interesting piece on the Huffington Post, Stacy Schneider opines that Rudy Giuliani’s “Nasty Divorce” reveals why he may be unfit to be president. Politics aside, the former mayor’s divorce is a primer on what not to do du...
  6. I wanted to visit and allow you to know how , a great deal I treasured discovering your blog today. I will consider it a good honor to do things at my workplace and be able to make use of the tips contributed on your web page and also be involved in visitors' reviews like this. Should a position connected with guest article author become on offer at your end, you should let me know.
  7. Thanks for revealing your ideas. I'd also like to mention that video games have been ever evolving. Technology advances and enhancements have served create realistic and active games. These kind of entertainment video games were not that sensible when the actual concept was first being used. Just like other areas of technologies, video games way too have had to advance by many years. This is testimony to the fast development of video games.
  8. Thanks a ton for being our mentor on this topic. We enjoyed the article a lot and most of all preferred how you really handled the aspect I widely known as controversial. You are always rather kind to readers much like me and assist me to in my everyday living. Thank you.
  9. Great – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, website theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Excellent task.
  10. 11/4/2016 @ 14:23:36: Thanks for the post clementlaw.com!
  11. Thanks for sharing all these wonderful discussions. In addition, the optimal travel in addition to medical insurance system can often relieve those considerations that come with journeying abroad. A new medical crisis can shortly become very expensive and that's bound to quickly set a financial problem on the family finances. Setting up in place the great travel insurance offer prior to leaving is well worth the time and effort. Thanks a lot
  12. Great – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your site. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs and related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, site theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Nice task.
  13. I'd also like to state that most people that find themselves with out health insurance can be students, self-employed and those that are out of work. More than half with the uninsured are under the age of 35. They do not really feel they are requiring health insurance simply because they're young along with healthy. Their particular income is frequently spent on real estate, food, as well as entertainment. Some people that do work either full or as a hobby are not made available insurance by their work so they head out without owing to the rising price of health insurance in the us. Thanks for the thoughts you reveal through this website.
  14. Thanks so much for giving everyone a very superb chance to read critical reviews from this blog. It can be very pleasant plus stuffed with a great time for me and my office fellow workers to search your website no less than 3 times every week to see the new guidance you have got. And definitely, I'm also always pleased with your awesome thoughts served by you. Certain 4 points in this posting are particularly the most effective we have all had.
  15. Awsome website! I am loving it!! Will come back again. I am bookmarking your feeds also
  16. But a smiling visitant here to share the love (:, btw great design.
  17. I like what you guys are up too. Such intelligent work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I've incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my site :).
  18. 11/7/2016 clementlaw.com does it again! Very interesting site and a good post. Nice work!
  19. 11/9/2016 In my estimation, clementlaw.com does a good job of covering topics of this type. While frequently intentionally contentious, the posts are generally well-written and thought-provoking.
  20. 11/11/2016 In my opinion, clementlaw.com does a great job of handling topics of this sort. While sometimes deliberately contentious, the material posted is generally well-written and stimulating.
  21. In my estimation, clementlaw.com does a good job of covering subject matter like this! Even if often deliberately controversial, the information is in the main thoughtful and challenging.
  22. clementlaw.com always has well-researched coverage about trending topics. Will continue to read and recommend.!
  23. In my opinion, clementlaw.com does a excellent job of covering topics of this sort! Even if sometimes intentionally controversial, the material posted is in the main well-written and challenging.
  24. clementlaw.com does it yet again! Very thoughtful site and a thought-provoking post. Thanks!
  25. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!
  26. Great information. I found clementlaw.com by chance (stumbleupon).I have book-marked it for later!
  27. clementlaw.com does it again! Quite a thoughtful site and a good article. Keep up the good work!
  28. Hey, would you mind if I share your blog site with my Twitter followers? There’s a lot of people that I think would love your articles. Please let me know. Thank you.
  29. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again very soon!
  30. Thanks for helping out, good information.
  31. I just like the valuable information you supply for your articles. I'll bookmark your blog and check again right here frequently. I am somewhat sure I'll be informed many new stuff proper right here! Good luck for the following!
  32. http://www.trageschorsch.at
  33. Die multifunktionale Gofuture Tragejacke sorgt dafür, dass das Kleinkind schön geborgen und anschmiegsam warm befördert werden kann. Hierbei mag die moderne Tragejacke am Bauch sowie am Rückgrat getragen werden und muss einfach lediglich übergeworfen werden. Nutzbar mit allen Trageeinlagen sowie Tragetüchern. Beachtet werden muss, dass die Gofuture Tragejacken mit jeglicher Babytrage und jeglichem Tragetuch tragbar sind, aber keinen Substitut für die Trage abbilden. Je nach Gutdünken kann der Abkömmling anhand Trageeinlage oder in Verbindung mit einem Tragetuch am Bauch oder auch am Rücken befördert werden und ist damit stets vor Wind und Wetter geborgen.
  34. Die vielfältige Gofuture Tragejacke sorgt dafür, dass das Säugling fein sicher und anschmiegsam warm transportiert werden kann. Dadurch kann die modische Tragejacke am Unterleib wie auch am Rücken getragen werden und muss leicht nur übergeworfen werden. Verbindbar mit jeglicher Trageeinlagen sowie Tragetüchern. Beachtet werden muss, dass die Gofuture Tragejacken mit jeglicher Babytrage und jedem Tragetuch tragbar sind, jedoch keinen Ersatz für eine Trage darstellen. Je nach Ermessen kann der Heranwachsende via Trageeinlage oder in Verknüpfung mit dem Tragetuch am Bauch oder auch am Rücken getragen werden und ist folglich durchgehend vor Wind und Wetter gefeit.

Leave a comment

Contact Us Now!
(212) 683-9551